The Unconventional Likeness of Love (and everything in between)
by IslandGem
Summary: This is a collection of chapters based on different famous quotes with the generic theme of 'Love' (in all its crazy forms and norms). It centers around Matt and Alesha but the whole gang come out to play. Its a bit OOC (sort of), and will be AU (well neither of them are on the show now so...) but hopefully it works out :) Cheers for reading it!
1. FRIENDSHIP OR BUST

**A/N: My first ever LAOUK fic...Granted these people are no longer on the show but...this is fan fic, and I love them so here they are in a fic :) I am not sure if there's many people in this fandom anymore but if anyone does read this, then I hope its not too shabby. **

**Dedicated to Sharmini. Who got me hooked on this.**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own any shape, form, or part of LAOUK or the original one or the 30 other LAOs out there either. Pity...I would've kept all the originals and made Matt and Alesha get married. But that's another story! ;)**

* * *

"_Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never"_

_- Charles Caleb Cohen_

FRIENDSHIP OR BUST

"See ya tomorrow then love!" Senior Detective Sergeant Ronnie Brooks gives a friendly wave to Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips as they part ways outside the entrance.

Alesha returns the wave and then glances back as Junior Detective Sergeant Matt Devlin joins them.

"DS Devlin? Since you're already here, do you have a minute? I just wanted to ask you about the Lewis case? If you've had any luck with those phone records James asked for..? She smiles up at Matt who immediately (and unconsciously), Ronnie notices, stands up straighter.

Preening like one of them male peacocks, Ronnie thinks to himself as he grins and walks away to the car park.

"Sure…but it might cost you Ms. Phillips. You know, I happen to like eating French er…tarts myself…Something I know you like doing too…" Matt replies, mentally kicking himself for not remembering the name of the ruddy tar-pastry! That's it! Though he can't remember what that particular one is called. Nor will he attempt to pronounce it. Word might get back to Ronnie, then he'd never hear the end of it.

He recovers by giving her a broad smile and a signature wink.

Alesha merely shakes her head and smiles, in spite of herself. DS Devlin always has the power to do that to her for some reason when usually, she's immune to comments like that from men.

"Sorry…I am merely the messenger here. Honestly though, I don't see James Steele as the 'buy me a croissant and I do you a favour' type", she jokes back.

Matt Devlin shrugs and moves to stand closer to her, trying not to look like he's staring at her. He always feels like he does it a bit too long whenever she's around. Which is odd.

"S'oright. Just thought I'd try me luck once in a while. Seems to work for _that_ one over there", he nods his head in the general direction of where Ronnie is waiting and rolls his eyes dramatically as Alesha lets out a laugh.

"No idea why though", he finishes with a wry grin, his blue eyes dancing as he smiles at her.

Alesha pauses and looks like she's about to say something, then, shaking her head slightly, she talks about the case instead.

* * *

A few minutes later, Matt hums to himself as he strides back to the car. Ronnie is leaning patiently against the passenger's side of the car.

"Did you see the look on Alesha's face when Teddy came back with the soil results? She's happy we finally have something positive to tell James. He'd had a pretty hard go with this case hasn't he?" Matt makes conversation while opening his door, still with a broad smile on his face.

"Mhmm…" the older man replies cryptically, sitting in his seat and studying his younger partner with an amused grin.

Matt has worked with Ronnie long enough to know when he's having a go. Problem is, most of the time _he's_ at the expense of said 'go'.

"What?" he asks, throwing Ronnie a look.

Ronnie shrugs, and adjusts his seat belt as Matt pulls out onto the street.

"You just look…rather…happy. That's all", he offers. Then shuts his mouth.

Matt waits.

Silence.

So he takes the bait.

"Okaaay…Right…I didn't realize that I'm not usually a happy person…"

"No…it's just an observation mate", Ronnie chuckles.

Matt sighs, "Come on, share the joke then!"

Ronnie looks at him again. With that irritating as hell twinkle in his eye.

"I suppose it all started with this break we just caught with the case. Then you insisted on ringin' 'er up yourself even though I was on my way over to CPS anyway so I could've told her. Then that cringe worthy excuse for a line you gave her back at the lab…it _was _shocking! Ending it off with her stopping you to-"

"What line?!" Matt protests, trying not to flush in embarrassment. He remembers the look Ronnie gave him after he'd made that comment to Alesha earlier.

Ronnie laughs out loud and waits for a minute as he can see Matt is concentrating on negotiating busy lunchtime traffic.

"I don't have any bugs in my mattress..." Ronnie attempts to mimic Matt's voice as he recalls what he'd said earlier, then bursts out laughing again.

Matt shakes his head and when they stop at the traffic lights, he grins at his partner.

"Whatever. Its called banter Ronnie, you should try it sometime. And for your information, you got the line wrong. It was in reference to something Teddy said about bed bugs. I was just having a laugh – with all of you".

"You're not that funny sunshine".

Matt snorts with laughter, "Right, and I suppose you'll be co-hosting with Jeremy, James, and Richard soon eh?"

"Now now…No need to get all put out. I have it on good authority that I'm a right laugh. All I'm saying is…you always seem to be more…human when you're around a certain Junior Crown Prosecutor that's all", Ronnie finishes.

They pull into the station lot and Matt turns off the engine.

He gives Ronnie a pointed look.

"Ronnie…mate…I'm like that with all of you. You know that. I wish you'd stop doing that…"

"Doing what?" Ronnie's voice (and expression) display a picture of innocence as they exit the vehicle.

"Assuming…_things_. Look, maybe…okay, sometimes – _very_ rarely, I say stuff like that to Alesha but it doesn't mean I am going to be going after her…in that way. She's a professional, like me. I respect her and…Well we're friends. End of story. Alright?"

Ronnie shrugs and looks at the younger man before he pushes the doors open.

"Sure okay. Whatever you want to tell yourself laddie".

He is almost through the doors when he sticks his head back out.

"If I were you, I'd try and come up with some better lines though. You know I've got a rep to protect round 'ere, and I wouldn't want Alesha, or Heaven forbid, the Guv' thinkin' you were getting these terrible gems from the likes of me!"

Laughing, he leaves Matt standing outside, shaking his head in wonder at Ronnie's sarky sense of humour.

* * *

Matt pauses as he thinks back to what he said to Alesha earlier when they'd all been standing in the lab.

Had he meant it in _that_ way? Why _did_ he always say things like that to her? Was Ronnie annoyingly right? Did seeing her, talking to her – almost everyday make him happier than normal? Ronnie was always teasing him about his great appreciation for the female form. What makes her so different? Why is he even telling himself she's different?

You know she's a colleague. She's a mate too – what would happen if things went south? You've been down that road; you don't want to go to that town again! You two make a good team – together you help make sure that the bad people answer for the horrible things they've done properly and within the parameters of the law. Just because you think she looks lovely in just about every colour you've ever seen her wear. Because you like that she's tough, yet caring and generous. And you like to watch her when she's all fired up about a break in a case and then she starts talking super fast, gesticulating with her hands, and her dark eyes light up with renewed energy.

Then there's the fact you try to think of clever things to say whenever she's around. But it kind of seems like a bit of a 'Fail' each time because its always interwoven into work related conversations and the best lines you can come up with are rubbish ones like "Not in my mattress though" and she looks at you like she's trying not to laugh and you keep sneaking looks at her on the sly, secretly hoping that she's not thinking "_What a wanker!_" Then you tell yourself you're just being funny. That you're just being your usual cheeky, flirty, friendly copper self. Nothing more, nothing less. Not to mention the fact that she never gets angry about it, or acts in any way other than professional, calm…Normal. It's not like she thinks of you any other way or wants to jeopardize her job or the cases anyway. Not that you care or anything…

All these thoughts are running through his head. Threatening to spill over and out.

Which would suck. Because that might make him question himself and his actions more closely. Can't have that now can we? Too risky. Best put a stop to whatever it is or it could be now.

He sighs, and runs a hand thought his short, sandy coloured hair.

He knows what some of his female colleagues, as well as past girlfriends and female acquaintances have said about him, and truth be told, its not like he has done much to change public opinion in the past. That he's a bit of a ladies' man. A guy who likes to the play the field and all the usual over-exaggerated stories that are _obviously_ true.

The thing is, he hasn't been _that_ guy for a while now. Not that he's advertising it or anything. His private life is just that; private. When he is at work, he is 100% tuned in, and he is not about to let that change.

"Oi!" Ronnie's voice startles him from his thoughts and he looks over to where his partner is standing in the open doorway waving a file in the air.

"Are you moonlighting as a club bouncer now or something?" Ronnie quips.

Matt rolls his eyes and moves towards him.

"No such luck. You'd be the first person I'd chuck out", he retorts as Ronnie laughs.

Hence he shouldn't. Wouldn't. _Cannot_ entertain any other thoughts about Ms. Alesha Phillips.

That despite what Ronnie and other would _like_ to think about him and her, that it's all above board. Its about the work.

So its friendship…or bust.

* * *

**A/N: And there we have it...If anyone feels like leaving me a review that would be grand, but its all good :) Cheers for reading. There's more to come :)**


	2. SMART ALESHA

**A/N: Back with another chapter...this one's Alesha centric. **

**Disclaimer: Still don't own any shape or form of this TV show including the characters - unfortunately :)**

* * *

"_She was a smart girl;  
Until she fell in love"._

_- Sex & The City Movie. _

**Smart Alesha**

Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips rubs her eyes for the one hundredth time before turning over yet another page. She doesn't even have to look at her clock; she already knows she has to cancel her plans for the evening.

In a way, it's kind of a relief. This way, she won't have to think of a convincing excuse to tell her friends. She won't have to spend five minutes arguing that she needs to do some work related task instead of having cocktails and trying out a new karaoke bar. She will be spared the disappointed comments and protests.

Another ten minutes of reading go by before she reaches for her phone. No sense putting it off any longer.

"Hey Jess…Yeah, no…I'm actually ringing to let you know that-yes…I'm _so_ sorry doll. Its just I've got so much stuff to get through for a major case. Yeah, it's staring on Monday and I promised James I'd look through the files this weekend. Jess…_yes_, it's a big case. Yes, I'm sure. No, you know I can't talk about it with you but...I am sorry, I _know_ you wanted me to be your wingman/woman. Yes, you have mentioned _three_ times during this conversation how hard it is to find a decent gay man…Although I fail to see how I could possibly help you in that department. That's not true…I _did_ want to-I did! Honestly! Well, could you please let Fi and Sal know I can't make it? Maybe next Friday? There's that new bistro not too far from your place? My shout? Cool. Thank you for understanding…What's that? _Who_? Jess come on! You met him like once! So? Well then how could he have possibly made _that_ much of an impression on you? He's a copper Jess, they're supposed to be friendly and disarming – that's how they get info out of the average person on the street. No.._What_?! Oh please…No we're colleagues. Yes, that _is_ what 'colleague' means. Ha ha..Stop it. No, not gonna happen. _Ever_. Well..because…because I said so. Yes, I know I am sounding very inarticulate right now – it's almost 7.30 and the last thing I ate was a handful of dried apricots around 2 pm. Thank you _Mother_. I will. Alright. Love you too. Be safe yeah? Okay. No! No I will _not_ tell DS Devlin what you said thank you very much! That is _totally_ inappropriate! Good night! Yes! Okay. Bye!"

She hangs up and stares down at her mobile for a moment shaking her head at the daft things her friend Jess had been banging on about. Honestly! Asking if she and Matt Devlin were-

"Tell DS Devlin what?" that voice, with a hint of mischief and most likely a twinkle in its owner's eyes still causes Alesha to almost jump out of her skin with fright.

Everyone else had left the CPS offices hours ago, and she hadn't realized how loud she had been on the phone. Turning around, and trying not to blush, hoping like hell he hasn't heard anything and wondering how long he's been standing there, she swallows away her embarrassment and smiles at Junior Detective Sergeant Matthew Devlin.

* * *

He is still wearing his coat and leaning against her open door, holding what looks like a takeout bag in one hand, and a file in the other.

Complete with his signature cheeky grin and dark blue eyes looking at her in a teasing way.

"Sorry if I scared ya Alesha. So…who was that on the blower?"

Alesha smiles back at him, and for a millisecond, feels tongue tied. She is not blind. She knows that Matt Devlin is quite…alright looking. Okay, quite good looking actually. And she knows that he is aware of how many women, and some men (including one of her closest friends Jesse - Jess for short who upon meeting him said, "DS Devlin makes me want to get myself arrested, just so I can let him cuff me! Roooarrr!"), think he's the bees' knees.

She is not one of _those_ women. She never has been.

Shaking away the thought – because it's silly, and disturbing and because Matt is quite good at 'reading' people and she doesn't want to be mortified by him again in one evening, she shakes her head slightly.

"Uh…Yeah, that was my mate Jesse…You met him the other week? He came by to take me to lunch", she finally answers.

He nods and walks in, plunking down in one of the easy chairs and placing the food on the side cabinet.

"So…what's up?" she asks, gesturing to the file still in his hand.

Matt grins widely and holds it out to her.

"These are the phone records James asked for the other week for the Lewis case…Now; don't jump up and down in excitement just yet. I went through the records myself today and…nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual calls to his home, his office, his wife, her office, etc..."

Alesha tries not to let her disappointment show, she and James will have to go back to the drawing board if they want the charges to stick come Monday at the plea hearing. George will give her a knowing look and tell them to strive on.

"But…then I had another look – after a really shite sarnie that Ronnie insisted I try from that awful place on Barrington street, and…its not the _calls_ themselves that were a bit funny but the _times_ they were made. In particular, the ones where he is calling his wife's office because…" Matt pauses as he stands up and walks over to where Alesha is still standing in front of her desk and opens the file for her to see, perching on the desk beside her.

She takes it from him and scans it quickly.

Matt is standing so close he catches a faint whiff of her perfume…or body lotion or whatever it may be of the fifty different things women put on themselves these days. It smells like lavender...on a summer's day. He's always liked the scent of lavender.

He watches as her look of concentration turns into a smile, and she turns to look at him, her dark eyes shining with excitement as she moves her hands around as she thinks out loud.

"Why would a person ring their spouse's office number after 9pm almost _every_ night during the months of March and April of last year? Especially when said spouse was supposed to have been still living with him at the time" she finishes, and he inclines his head in agreement.

They are both standing so close, leaning against her desk, their shoulders are touching.

Matt nods, "Jackpot! So yeah…now, all we have to do is-"

"Go back through the earlier statements made by colleagues, neighbors, friends and Mrs. Lewis, and review any footage from her office building so we can look for a chink in her armor!" Alesha finishes off for him and he nods enthusiastically, grinning back at her.

They both fall silent and look at each other.

He is so close to her he can see just how lovely her skin is. And the scent of the lavender…

For some reason, Alesha feels like her heart is suddenly beating in over time, and she is afraid to speak, or move. She's not sure she can right now while she's leaning against Matt Devlin.

The 'Wonder Boy 'copper. The flirty, fun bloke who is as dedicated to his work as she is. Who always seems to be teasing her, even when he's not saying anything. The first one to volunteer for the tough assignments, the last one to leave. A true professional. A colleague. A friend. So why is she suddenly tongue tied? Why can't she stop looking at those blue eyes as they gaze at her with…She doesn't know what it is she thinks she sees in Matt Devlin's eyes. She doesn't want to know. She doesn't.

_What_ are you doing? She shouts at herself. It's Matt! Get your head out of the clouds Alesha Phillips!

The mental shake is enough and clearing her throat, she moves away.

Matt watches her walk away from him to sit at the table littered with files already. He swallows quickly, trying not to sound as disappointed as he feels that she ended it. Whatever it was that they weren't just doing then. He's told himself he is a professional. That they are colleagues and friends only. He just has to tell the rest of his body that.

"Matt…thank you so much for doing this. James will be thrilled with this new angle", she finally speaks again, looking over at him.

"Just James then?" cheeky Devlin is back. Complete with the twinkle.

Alesha grins, "Okay, me as well. Honestly, this is great. I need to get started on those statements again though so-"

Matt pushes himself off the desk and comes over to pull up the other chair at the table. She watches as he removes his coat and slings it over a box.

"Sorry, I would've brought them over this afternoon, but I had to do some follow up on some samples from the lab. Well come on then…" he says, pulling open a folder with statements from the pile.

Alesha is puzzled. "Wait…What are you doing?"

Matt doesn't even look up from the file as he continues to scan the document.

"Helping you. There's _no_ way you're gonna get through all this by Monday if you don't have some help so here I am – with food".

Alesha bites her lip and leans closer towards him across the table.

"Uh Matt..? Not _all_ of us have to give up their Friday evening to do this. You've already done more than enough by finding the records and the phone call times for Mrs. Lewis. Really you-"

"Really, I don't mind. I _want_ to help. Besides…Mr. Jack Lewis was a good man, who left behind two kids who love their dad and need answers. We all know that Mrs. Lewis is as manipulative and evil as they come, but we need to prove it. Plus, believe it or not, contrary to popular opinion I am not out _every_ weekend so, it's all good okay?" Matt looks over at her and gives her a reassuring smile.

And it works.

Alesha nods and grabs another pile for herself.

* * *

After a few minutes of silent reading, Matt announces he's hungry and gets up, bringing the takeaway over.

Alesha peers into one of the containers, and then looks up at Matt who's putting plastic plates, chopsticks, bottled water, and napkins on the table.

"Ooh lovely; steamed wontons…my favorite", she comments, suddenly noticing how hungry she is herself.

Matt sits back down and passes her a plate. He grins at her with a knowing smile and pushes the wontons towards her.

"Yeah..I know".

Alesha looks at him in surprise, but he's already shoveling food into his mouth.

"How did you know?" she asks before taking a bite.

Matt pauses mid shovel and gives her a smug smile.

"We're not just pretty faces you know", he replies.

Alesha rolls her eyes and continues to eat.

After a minute, she sits back and watches him, eating and reading at the same time, engrossed in his work.

Jess was going to go chuck a diva fit over this. Perhaps she won't tell him. She can almost hear him telling her that she's a right idiot for "not taking advantage of the situation". Not that there is any 'situation' to take advantage of so what's the problem?

She knows where her priorities lie. She has come too far to let things slide professionally. And it's not like there's anything here – apart from the obvious.

Work, wontons, and cheeky, harmless banter.

It's the _smart_ thing to do, she tells herself. You've always been smart. No sense changing your style now girl.

Almost as if he can feel her looking at him, Matt glances up and gestures to the food.

"What's up? Food not any good?" his tone is worried and his usually dancing blue eyes are filled with concern.

Alesha smiles and shakes her head quickly, taking another bite.

"You still haven't told me what the lovely Jesse from Bond Street said about me..." he quips with a full mouth.

Alesha gives him a cheeky grin of her own and waves her chopsticks in front of his face.

"And I never will", she retorts as they both burst out laughing.

* * *

**A/N: There we have it...Please drop by and pop in a review if you have time. Thanks for reading. Next one up soon...**


	3. THE SAME PLACES AND FACES

**A/N: James Steele is here...in all his er...James Steeleness ways :) and Matt & Alesha give Ronnie more stuff to tease them about (not that he needs anything to do it anyway). Hope you all enjoy the update. P.S. Thanks Sharmini for the lovely reviews and follow :) **

* * *

"_Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around… maybe at school… since we… both… go there."_

–_Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer._

The Same Places & Faces

Senior Crown Prosecutor James Steele hasn't stopped pacing or twisting his well worn out Rubik cube around for the last ten minutes. His mind is working in overtime, thinking through the nuances of their latest case.

Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips knows that this is how he thinks best. He's mentally weighing every angle that they've come up with

She doesn't say anything because there's nothing to say; she just continues typing up their brief for the trial. She knows he's fairly confident that they will have enough to make their case stick.

"Alright James?" she hears Senior Detective Sergeant Ronald 'Ronnie' Brooks' cheerful greeting as he, Detective Inspector Natalie Chandler, and Junior Detective Sergeant Matt Devlin enter the conference room.

Matt wiggles his eyebrows in a comedic way then beams at her. Alesha ignores the jolt in her stomach when she returns his smile.

He's not just smiling at you, he's also smiling at James, she reminds herself as she focuses on retyping the word she just spelled wrongly. Well…maybe it's a weird way to smile at James...At any rate, focus girl!

James murmurs a greeting and joins them at the table where Alesha is already seated with her laptop.

The meeting goes well as they go through their efforts so far. Afterwards, Ronnie leans back in his chair, and nods at James who sighs in relief before discussing how they will be proceeding in court later that week.

Natalie reminds them all about the Met's benefit dinner in three weeks time and Matt makes a comment about how the cost of 1 ticket is more than two paychecks but the laughter dies in his throat when he sees the look Natalie throws him.

Ah well, silence is golden sometimes, he concedes.

Alesha listens quietly as her colleagues talk. She feels exhausted from working over the weekend and suddenly, she stifles a yawn with the back of her hand.

Almost on cue, across from her, Matt Devlin mirrors her yawn with a rather large one of his own.

Ronnie notices and nudges him with a knowing look. "Ah…I do love the energy of the young and their weekend hours. What have you two been getting up to on the weekend eh?" he quips.

Matt and Alesha both shake their heads and blurt out at the same time.

"I was with Matt…"

"I was with Alesha…"

No one speaks for a few seconds.

To Alesha it feels like a few minutes. Or hours. At any rate, this must be kind of what its like to be on a witness stand.

Ronnie's eyebrows shoot up into his forehead and James pauses and blinks, looking at Alesha who's slightly red now, wishing she was not here. And that she'd never opened her mouth.

Natalie narrows her eyes at Ronnie, as if she's getting ready to play the role of 'Silencer' if Ronnie so much as makes a crack about it.

Matt grins sheepishly and then answers very casually, "Yeah, I mean…we were here – together. Looking through the co-workers' testimonies. Hence…the connection between Mrs. Lewis and her personal trainer Rio Jenkins came up".

Alesha nods vigorously, "Yup. It didn't take long actually – after we ruled out the other possible suspects. In fact, Matt did most of the shifting and we wouldn't have this new lead without his great detective work so..," her voice trails off and she doesn't miss the cheeky grin Ronnie has on his mug right now as he looks back and forth at her and Matt.

The moment passes, and James also thanks Matt before changing the subject to talk about something else.

Alesha barely acknowledges them when the others take their leave and for the rest of the day she gets on with her work. She tells herself not to get all worked up about it when clearly no one else thinks anything of it.

* * *

"Knock knock?" James Steele asks, before entering her office. Alesha smiles up at him, and pushes her chair back from the desk.

"It's almost six and I am _actually_ ready to leave work. And…I am ordering you to do so as well. After all, you're the one who's been up most of the weekend working on the prep – which we are very grateful for, so thank you", he smiles as he leans against the sideboard.

Alesha nods and switches off her computer.

James stands up, gesturing to her.

"Come on, Ms. Phillips", he says.

"Where to?" Alesha is already up and moving to grab her coat and scarf from the rack.

James ushers her out of the office to the lifts.

"I would like to buy you a drink", he replies.

* * *

They end up at the new place on Barrington Street that Ronnie says "Is easy on the eyes, the purse, and the stomach".

It's not too shabby a place. Small, with friendly staff. An informal atmosphere. Warm. All the things Ronnie likes in a place, so they're not surprised he's recommended it.

As they are sitting at the bar, Alesha tells James that this is the same place that DS Devlin swears he had a dodgy sandwich but secretly, she thinks it's from eating dodgy sandwiches from the old vending machine on their floor at the station.

James laughs heartily, and clinks his glass with Alesha's before taking a sip. He watches her for a moment.

"So…how've you been Alesha?" he asks.

She shrugs, "Yeah good. I mean…I have no complaints with my job…My friends…that's another story", she smiles as she nurses her cider.

James inclines his head in agreement, "Ah yes…The social life of a CPS worker. Now there's a semi-depressing story just waiting to be snapped up by BBC producers for a future TV show".

Alesha laughs out loud at that and nods.

"I'll drink to that. I guess…Well, we chose it don't we? To some extent…You know what I mean?" she looks at him and he nods slowly.

"Yes we do but…maybe, its really about finding the balance…Something I confess I am quite rubbish at. Given my current circumstances…" he drains the rest of his beer and signals to the bartender for another round.

Alesha smiles sympathetically at him.

"How's he doing over in Edinburgh?" she asks tentatively. James rarely discusses his private life, and she well aware of how hard it's been for James since his son and wife left London.

James shrugs, "I miss him – very much but…She did what she felt was the right thing to do and…", he looks off into the distance for a minute, "even though its hard on me – and its hard for him to understand, its probably for the best – for now. I mean, you're right, we do make choices".

Alesha nods and helps herself to some peanuts.

"Speaking of choices…it was…er…very kind of DS Devlin to assist with the background for this case wasn't it?"

Alesha frowns then looks intently at James. He rarely asks things just for asking things' sake.

"Yeees…" she answers slowly.

James looks at her, a hint of a smile on his face, "You two do make _quite_ a good team you know…"

Alesha glances at him sharply, "Well we are _all_ a team James. You and I included".

"Yes, but…well I get that when we're at work, its all about the work and I - nor George could ever question your dedication to the task at hand Alesha but-"

"But what?"

"But…I guess, I do worry about you sometimes be-"

"Worry? About _me_?! Why? I am fine James!"

"Alesha, we're colleagues, at work I am your superior but…I like to think we're also friends. You work _all _the time…the last time we had a conversation about something non work related and you let slip that Lilo-"

"His name is Lyle.."

"Lyle, Lilo…Sorry, _Lyle_ and you were no longer and it almost seemed like…well, you said it wasn't a big deal. I guess, I'm just saying; don't give up on having a life just yet. You're still young and you should be-"

"James…_thank_ you for your concern but I'm fine. I'm happy. I _love _my job and I have friends. Lilo/Lyle was what my friend Jess terms 'A Hilary Duff moment'. I have worked too hard to come this far. There've been challenges but…I have the life I want to now. Just because I am not doing what the 'average' woman my age is, doesn't mean it's not enough. But…thank you for your concern. Really..." she pats his arm.

He studies her face closely. She has that determined look on her face. The same one she gets when she is trying to get information out of a key witness and they're stalling.

James is frowning slightly, like he's trying to figure something out.

"Your friend Jesse does have rather a large repertoire of…interesting phrases..." he begins.

Alesha laughs, "Yes, he does. You should hear what he says about you..."

James shakes his head violently and she laughs again.

"What does..'A Hilary Duff moment' mean? Isn't she an…American child actor or something?"

Alesha giggles and nods, "Yes, she was. She starred in this teen movie called 'A Cinderella Story' and there's this line she throws at the love interest in the movie because he's one of those cool, popular guys who is scared to be an individual, and he's really quite shallow. She tells him "I can't wait for you...because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing".

James laughs along with her and shakes his head, looking a little surprised.

"I told you, Jesse does have a way with the lines", she grins.

"Was he right..? About Lilo?"

Alesha nods grimly and sighs, "Yep…So he did me a favour really…when he left".

James shrugs, "So he really _was_ a lilo then – complete with hot air? Sorry Alesha..".

"Don't be. I'm not. I'm still not sure what all this uncomfortable social life chitchat has to do with Matt though..."

Alesha is now flipping through the menu. Eating the salty peanuts has made her hungry.

"Well…He and you are…friends no doubt. I mean, being on the same team and all..."

"Fast forward to the part where you make your point James", Alesha doesn't even look up from her menu. She knows Mr. Steele is fishing now.

Its better that way too, and then James won't see her blushing slightly. Why the hell _did_ she mention Matt again anyway?!

"He's always had a…sort of..'soft spot' for you hasn't he?" James comments as he watches Alesha pretending not to react to the comment.

She attempts an aloof shrug. "Really? I thought he was like that with everyone. Look James…Matt is a colleague and a friend. That's it. Work comes first".

James sighs and also picks up the menu.

"Well…professionalism aside, you're both allowed to have a life when you're not working. He's a good guy Alesha, you know he-"

"James can we change the subject now please? I _know_ he's a good guy. I also know you guys watch football together – how come you don't invite me? No don't worry, _that's _another bone for another day. Matt and are colleagues. We work with the same people. We see each other every day. Bottom line is; we're not together. We aren't having a fling. We have a working relationship that spills into a friendship. That's it".

James smiles and leans back in his chair.

"Okay. Sorry. I won't mention it again. And for the record, let me say – on behalf of Ronnie, Matt, George, and myself, that we apologize wholeheartedly for not including you in fortnightly football game viewings and we will endeavor to ensure this is remedied in the near future…" he bows gallantly.

Alesha smiles in satisfaction, "Fine. I accept the invitation. Thank you".

"…Upon the condition that you pledge allegiance to Chelsea, I'll see that you _always_ have a seat on my couch..."

Alesha shoots James a look, and he seems to be laughing silently over his pint.

"Not on your life Steele", she grins as she spots the waitress making her way over to take their food order.

Just then, her phone beeps signaling an incoming text message. She pulls her phone out to check the message and she can't help smiling as she reads the text, before shaking her head and putting the phone away again.

**From: MDevlin**

**Message: Hope you're havin an early nite. No matter what happens, we'll always have last weekend..haha..**

James Steele doesn't miss much. He is not a betting man, but if he was he'd have won fifty quid on who the sender of the text was.

But he just gave her his word he won't bring it up again with her.

But it doesn't mean he won't ever maybe bring it up with someone else.

After all, she had just told him so herself; they all share the same place, same people…

* * *

**A/N: I've always had the view that James Steele is capable of having human relationships with his friends and colleagues...in his own special way ;) Thanks for reading and please review if you get the chance. Next chapter up soon...**


	4. GREY CLOUDS AND A RAY OF 'SUNSHINE' I

**A/N: This one's slightly darkish...Its based on the 'Alesha' ep so yeah..:( But I took liberties with it for my fic purposes. Its a two parter - Alesha's POV then Matt's next up. Hope you enjoy it. P.S. Thanks for the reviews and welcome Lovable-Hate :) **

* * *

"_The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."_

_~Rocky Balboa~_

GREY CLOUDS…AND A RAY OF 'SUNSHINE' I

Alesha Phillips sits on her shower floor. Barely moving under the steady stream of hot water. She doesn't know how long she's been sitting in there. She's not usually a 'long hot shower' type of person but today - maybe from now on, she'll change her normal routine. It doesn't matter. Nothing does right at this moment. Leaning against the tiles, she pulls her legs up tightly against her chest and closes her eyes.

God! Has it really been a week since…Since it all happened? Since the assault…and the rape? The trip to the Clinic…the investigation. The faces…Everyone trying not to look at her like she has two heads. Speaking in hushed tones. Wondering why she's at work already. James and bloody hell, _George_ – smiling kindly more than she has ever seen him do so in the few years she's worked at CPS!

She hears a faint tapping on her bathroom door. Then there's a shadow on the other side of the glass. Then the door slides open slightly and there's her friend Jesse Barrett, hovering with a towel in one hand.

"Sweetie..?" his usual animated tone is softer and he holds it out to her.

"Its time to get out…Matt will be here to take you to the court house soon. Come on love…" he reaches over and turns the shower off.

Steam swirls around Alesha as she nods up at him, allowing him to pull her up and wrap her in the fluffy towel.

As the room clears from the fog, so does her reverie. Pulling the towel tightly around her body, she turns to Jesse, forcing herself to speak, despite the fact that her mouth feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool.

"Will you help me get ready? You always know how to make people look…normal" she asks him.

Her voice sounds strong but Jesse knows better. She has already told him and her other two close friends that she doesn't want them there. In the court room. Not even Matt, Natalie or Ronnie. That old guy George Castle is her boss so it's not like she can tell him to stay away from Court can she? But she was pretty adamant even though they've all been to see her…to show their support. She reminds them they all have work, lives, etc. That there are other people out there who need their help. She tells Jesse that the store would fall apart without him there for even half a day.

"Just James and I", she had told them all.

Matt, who'd walked in to her flat not too long before she had started this little speech and was leaning against her living room door had simply shaken his head vehemently and then said, "And myself" in a rather firm and no nonsense way.

Alesha had opened her mouth again, as if to protest but stopped when she saw his face. So she'd nodded slightly instead, and then changed the subject.

Jesse had not missed the quick look of surprise, then…relief on Matt Devlin's face when she'd done that, but he'd said nothing. No one had. I mean, what could they say? Even Jess himself, a person who never seemed at a loss for words had simply sat there and cried with her, holding her hand and wishing people like the 'good' Dr. Merrick didn't exist. He had already seen what rape had done to their other uni mate Diane. He had always depended on Alesha to be the 'strong' one in their group. She took care of all of them. In fifteen minutes that had all changed. _Who_ would take care of her?

He swallows away the lump, thanking the Fates that Matt will be there with her today, and nodding at his friend, he follows her out of the room.

* * *

No one can talk to her about the case. They can't anyway. Least of all James. She's a prosecutor so she knows how it goes. Like she told him when he started rattling off all the usual lines, his normally stern expression softening as she interrupted him, "I _know_ the statistics".

She has spent the last few nights going through the whole thing in her head. Not sleeping. The images came on more pronounced then. But thinking. About how everything happened so fast. How she made a split second decision to go back. Now everything is moving so rapidly, yet slow…Or maybe it's just her. Maybe it's the mental state she's in. The after math…the repercussions…All the lovely jargon she's seen in case files for some one else. When she's worked on their cases. Listened to their stories. Now she hears them from the CPS appointed therapist herself as she sits on her couch.

As she waits for the Clerk to call her in, she closes her eyes and leans back against the hard wooden bench.

She thinks back to day it all happened…

* * *

_Earlier that week…_

The Sexual Assault Referral Clinic Manager Judith had left her some clothes and a towel on the hook. She had left her ten minutes ago to organize some paperwork. To call someone for her. To bring the clothes she'd come in wearing to the lab.

Judith had hugged Alesha before clearing her throat and then she had led her to the Clinic doctor and sat with her while she'd been examined, and the tech – whose name is Alexine had taken her samples. She'd just had a baby boy not too long ago. They all know each other well enough because of the nature of their work.

Alesha had been here many times in the past. With other women. On behalf of other women. And now? Well, she was here on behalf of herself. She scrubbed and scoured every inch of her skin. Ever so often, she'd close her eyes and think of his voice…his hands…the way he'd looked at her…How he'd…She lets out a half sob and rinses off the soap, washing away any traces of tears. Drying herself, she gets dressed as soon as she can. Ignoring the pain because she doesn't want to be naked for any longer than she needs to.

A few minutes later, and she is sitting in one of the day rooms when he arrives. She doesn't look up but she knows he's alone. When Judith had asked her who they should call, she'd asked for him – and Ronnie too. Not because she wasn't closer to Matt but because she was a little afraid of what Matt might do if he came alone. Of how he'd react. Of what that might do to jeopardize this case. It seems a bit odd to her, how she can even be thinking of Matt's feelings at a time like this. But here she is. And here he is now. Standing at the door, slightly hesitant. Waiting…Staring at her like…

She can't look at him. It's too hard.

He sits down across from her. He doesn't touch her – he has been around long enough to know that's the last thing anyone wants; someone in their personal space. He is silent. She almost feels like she's sitting there on the other side of him and they're both listening to her other self tell him. Talk about what happened. She doesn't miss the lightening pace of emotions as they come across his face. Or the tic in his jaw line working in overtime as he stiffens when she recalls how it felt like being in a nightmare…and how painful it had been. She still can't look at him properly. She doesn't want to see the pity. The anger. The disappointment in his voice when he asks her why she went back is proof enough. It almost sends her over the edge, into a sobbing mass where she could happily cling to him and cry until there's nothing left.

Instead, she does the only thing she's ever done. Protect herself. To do what she needs to to get herself out and away from one shitty event to another. At least her family has taught her well, she thinks bitterly.

She looks him squarely and says as sincerely as she can, "I _won't_ be a victim".

* * *

When it all comes out in the end how she and Diane were mates, and Phyllis Gladstone makes it look like this was all just a trumped-up story she knows she has failed James, George, and everyone. And she doesn't even need to look in Matt's direction. She knows. She can feel the sigh of exasperation all the way from the dock where she's standing.

James says as much to her later. He is not angry. But disappointed. And…sad. And her technical training tells her he has every right to be. She already knows how this will affect the case. They all do. No one says it directly to her face.

She is about to call Jesse to let him know she's on her way to see him when someone touches her lightly on the shoulder. His light blue eyes seem kind and he's holding out a takeaway cup for her. He asks her if she'd like some fresh air.

So they walk silently. Until they get to the bridge.

She leans against the railing and cups her coffee with her gloved hands after she stops talking. He hasn't said much. She cannot help feeling that niggling emotion that since this happened to her, she suddenly worries so much what he thinks of her; and of how all her actions have caused him to react. His quietness is unnerving. She is not used to this side of DS Matthew Devlin. She wants the banter, the twinkling eyes, the cheeky smiles…She wants everything to the same again. But it's not. Not for her. Not for Jesse. Not for their friendship. Or her and James'.

It's really cold tonight and the coffee doesn't stay hot for long. She looks away into the distance. At the lights…and the traffic. She's not sure what she's looking for. She's just not sure anymore.

He moves closer to her. Until he is almost touching her arm.

"Alesha…Whatever happens…Merrick won't get away with it. One day…Somehow…We will…_I_ will make sure of it. I promise…" he looks at her as she continues to stare straight ahead. Her dark eyes shining. Not with excitement, but with tears. And something else. But he can't read them. He doesn't know how to.

She wipes them away hurriedly and nods at him.

* * *

When the verdict is read out, even though she already had an educated guess of how things would play out, its still a kick in the guts. The knife is pushed in deeper by the quick, self satisfied look Dr. Alec Merrick throws her. No one else notices it. They aren't supposed to. It's enough to make her sick to her stomach. After they leave the court room she barely makes it the bathroom before the entire contents of her stomach are in the bowl. She hears the quiet voices of George and James as they walk on either side of her. No one talks much. There's nothing really left to say anyway.

When she gets home, she climbs into her bed fully clothed. She recalls Matt standing in the doorway saying something about soup before walking away.

When Jesse arrives he wants all the details and Matt fills him in while she toys with her lukewarm soup. His angry words when he hears the outcome are all the things Alesha would've said – if it had been someone else. But it isn't. So she says nothing.

Jesse insists on staying over but she won't hear of it. He leaves half hardheartedly around ten pm. She decides to put her phone off after receiving a couple of calls from other friends, James, one from George, Natalie and Ronnie too.

Matt hovers, moving about in her little flat but Alesha doesn't even want him around. She knows he's just being a good mate. He's doing all the things that people do but…She doesn't deserve it. Because it's her fault. Merrick is free. Now other women will be victims. Having a cool, calm, and supportive person like him in her corner just makes her feel even more shite.

"You should go too…Its late and…well, I know you guys haven't had much sleep this past week working the case..." her voice trails off as she sees his frown.

"Alesha…", he begins slowly. He watches her clearing away mugs and the milk…the biscuit tin. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun and she's still wearing her work pants and blouse, under her bathrobe.

"_Please_ don't…" he stops talking when she looks at him sharply as she leans against the kitchen counter.

"Don't what?!" she snaps. She feels like the room is spinning and Matt moves quickly, touching her arm. Maybe he forgets. Or perhaps he wants to make some sort of human contact with her. She flinches and steps back. Away from him.

There's that look on his face again. Sod him!

The dam breaks.

"Don't do anything stupid anymore?! Is that it?! That's what you think isn't it? That what I did was stupid?! Getting involved…Going back to him after he'd already assaulted me! Playing at being girl detective because a friend of mine was raped by the same person?! That's it, isn't it?! You all look at me and think 'Bloody stupid eejit! Why did you have to go and get yourself raped?!' I get it. I do. I know what I did was beyond crazy and fat lot it did. He's out there now. Some lucky woman is waiting for him to just…ruin her life! That's how it is these days? You go to a doctor with trust…with confidence in them and they…they can hurt you. And get away with it! Because that's what happens now and…" she stops talking. Well yelling rather.

She bites her lip and then she starts to cry. And cry. It's as if she'll never stop. Matt waits for half a second before moving to her and pulling her into his arms. He doesn't say anything. He just holds her tightly.

He whispers something over and over as he holds her, rubbing her back. After awhile her sobbing recedes and she is crying quietly now, still clinging to him. But she can hear what he's saying now.

"'Lesh…Tomorrow is another day…And I'll be here…Please don't shut me out…"

As she sobs into his shirt, Alesha can feel the wall – the one that she's worked so hard to build as sturdy as she can, starting to crumble ever so slightly.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah sorry if this is slightly more depressing than the other ones. I spruced it up a bit though since I personally think they could've done a bit more with that ep. Great acting though! Thanks for reading and please leave a review if you feel like it. Part 2 of this up soon.**


	5. GREY CLOUDS AND A RAY OF 'SUNSHINE' II

**A/N: ...And here's part 2 of this chapter..Matthew Devlin and a punching bag..Hope you like it!**

* * *

_"Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I…_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you"._

'_Fix U', Coldplay_

* * *

GREY CLOUDS…AND A RAY OF 'SUNSHINE' II

Senior Detective Sergeant Ronnie Brooks enters the gym, taking his time as he peers into the gloomy lit area. He's told Detective Inspector Natalie Chandler he'll look for his partner. He's been gone long enough.

It's been over two hours since they've returned from the Clinic and from seeing their colleague and friend Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips.

A man from their unit called Jones taps Ronnie on the shoulder and nods in the general direction of the boxing area over in the far right corner. Ronnie squints, and finally notices DS Matt Devlin.

Thanking the man, he walks over to him.

* * *

It had been a deathly quiet car ride back, with Ronnie offering to drive. Although the ride didn't take more than ten minutes at the most, Ronnie said nothing, but kept sneaking quick glances at his younger partner as he sat almost wooden in the front passenger's seat. Staring straight ahead. With one hand pressed upon his knee and under his chin as if he were deep in thought. Except that he didn't have that look of concentration. The one that has gotten them out of an otherwise stuck case out of the mud.

This look is different…And it worries Ronnie Brooks more than a little bit. Still he doesn't push it. Or attempt to say anything. He has already decided to give Matt Devlin space to talk. Or react first.

When they had arrived back to the lot, Matt mumbled something about needing to get started on the paperwork and he is out of the vehicle before it even comes to a complete stop. Ronnie had merely nodded and let him go.

* * *

The gym is half empty. Its only three o'clock in the afternoon and most people are still in their offices. The guy holding on to the punching bag shoots Ronnie a look and nodding to him, moves aside so Ronnie can hold it.

As Matt continues to pound the bag, Ronnie secretly wishes he'd let the bigger guy stay on. He feels his whole body move as Matt slams his hands into it over and over again.

Matt Devlin has never considered himself a violent person. Despite a more than tough upbringing, his days policing in some tough beats, and the agro the average wannabe crim gave him on the job. And he always knew that if he ever got out of his home life situation, he'd do something to help others. The police force sort of _happened to him_ in a way. And he's never looked back. He is the guy who helps put the bad ones away. He's seen a lot of things but he's not totally above it all yet. He tries his best not to let the bad ones slip out. But sometimes they do. And sometimes…they hurt people. People he knows. People he cares about…People he…

_"…It hurt…"_

_"…I spoke out!"_

_"…I couldn't do anything!"_

_"...He kept talking..."_

All her words…her face…her voice…He can see and hear it all again. He keeps hitting. Dancing around the bag.

He is drenched in sweat and he doesn't even notice that other people are standing around looking at him now. Wondering what's up with the usually 'always up for a laugh' detective.

Ronnie tries not wince out loud as Matt almost hits him square in the face. He positions himself behind the bag better and watches him. Waiting for him to slow down. Or acknowledge him.

He doesn't do anything. Except hit harder and faster. Rapid, angry jabs.

"Matt…Matt…? Matt!" Ronnie says loudly.

Finally, the younger man looks up. He is breathing heavily and sweat drips everywhere.

Ronnie's tone is gentle.

"Hey mate…Alright?"

Matt half snorts in laughter. But Ronnie knows it's not meant in a funny way.

"Me? Oh yeah mate, I'm grand. Life is just grand. Couldn't be better…" his voice trails off and Ronnie nods slowly.

"Matt…Look…I know you feel badly for Alesha but-"

Matt shakes his head and looks incredulously at Ronnie.

-"No I don't feel badly Ron. I feel…pissed off! I feel...like prison is not even remotely good enough for that scumbag Merrick! This _never_ should have happened mate! This just…", he pauses and looks away before speaking again.

.."never should've 'appened".

He resumes punching again. His voice making soft grunts every time he connects square with the bag. Ronnie, a decent amateur police boxing champ in his early days has been in the ring long enough to see that Matt's had enough and that his arms are straining. And that he's not here merely for the physical exercise. But to let out something. And to shut out the ache. But he's not about to tell him that. Not while he's in this state.

"So _what _are we gonna do about it? Come on Matt, I _know_ Alesha's your mate and you want to-"

Matt pauses mid punch and the look he gives Ronnie this time is almost enough to make him shiver. Matt's light blue eyes are dark and his face is blank.

"Don't tell me what I want to do Ronnie…You don't want to know what I want..", his words seem to hold an unspoken threat.

Ronnie nods and stills the bag, looking right at his partner.

"Mate, look…What happened is horrid. Plain horrid. We've got to get our heads around it and do our jobs. To nail him. To help Alesha. I know that's what you want to-"

"- I want to kill the bastard...I wish we'd been able to do something the first time Ron. I wish she'd never went back there! I don't…I don't know what to do…for her…What…What do I do..?"

His voice is no longer angry, but more…sad. He moves away from the mats his arms held out in front of him.

If Ronnie displays any hints of surprise at this revelation, he doesn't say a word. Or show it on his face. He simply pats Matt's shoulder and smiles kindly at him.

"You do what you do best. You do your job. You get results. You _help _her Matt. _That's_ the best thing you can do for her now…Alright?"

Matt wipes the sweat away from his cheek with a glove and then nods slowly.

* * *

_A few days later…_

He surprises himself when he stands up to Alesha as she calmly tells everyone who'd been around at her flat not to come to court.

Perhaps it's just a case of going with his gut reaction. But he wasn't having it. She was not going to go in there alone! She couldn't stop him anyway.

She didn't…Which shocked him a little. But then…What and how was one supposed to behave after such as experience? He knew what his police training had taught him. He'd been to seminars. Spent time with victims…

She just nodded and left it like that.

Eventually, everyone goes, and her friend Jess offers to see him out. He's only met him the one time beforehand and he swallows hard as he tries not to think back to a few weeks ago when he and Alesha had pigged out on Chinese takeout and he'd threatened to tickle her until she'd told him what Jess really thought about him.

She had been wearing her light green cardi – a lovely colour against her flawless skin, and she was laughing so hard she had spilled some water on some files. They'd mopped them up with tissues and then…

He shakes away the images. It's too soon. And so far away now. Everything's different. It shouldn't be but it is now.

"DS Devlin?" Jess puts his hand on Matt's arm and he looks at him.

"Thank you…" he finishes.

Matt shrugs and pulls his jacket on, ready to walk down the steps but Jess grabs his arm so he stops.

"No seriously…Thank you. She should have someone else there tomorrow," Jess says quietly, letting go of his arm and stepping back up.

"..And if none of us can come, then…Then I'm glad you'll be there with her".

Matt nods grimly and waves good night to him as he carries on down the stairs.

* * *

After the bomb drops about Alesha's connection to Diane Perkins, Matt doesn't even have to look at James' face to know things are going south – fast. He watches Alesha's face as she steadies herself in the dock, looking down at her feet. The quintessential pose of a would be guilty person.

Except that she's not! He wants to shout at the jury, who are all looking from one side to the other, now weighing all the going ons.

He mentally kicks himself in the arse for not doing a thorough enough check. Why hadn't he and Ronnie picked up on this? Why hadn't James? Why hadn't Alesha told them everything?! He needs to stop this train of thought…What good will it all do now?

He's not surprised she won't look at any of them as they exit the court room. He hangs back as James has a quiet word with her. The expression on James' face is not unwarranted.

Matt busies himself with going to the canteen instead. To order some coffee. To clear his head. He thinks about the conversation he'd had with James, George, and Ronnie earlier.

* * *

_The day after…._

James had looked at him suspiciously as if he thought he might've encouraged Alesha to go back. To spring some kind of trap on Merrick. He had felt this sudden urge to yell at James. He had been annoyed enough to continue the conversation if.._thankfully_, Ronnie hadn't interrupted them to pass on the news about GHB being found in Alesha's urine samples.

He couldn't believe it when they'd all seen her walk into her office and sit down, calmly going about her job as if nothing had happened. He had walked right over there and told her she should be resting…be at home.

He'd wanted to talk to her. To touch her. To say something that…Wouldn't sound insincere.

She's here. But she's not…He can tell.

Then George had called him and Ronnie to have some tea. Something he'd never done. Tea was _never_ on offer if you called in at George's. Matt hadn't wanted to go but from the tone of George's voice you knew it wasn't an invitation. It was an order.

Matt had barely touched his cup when Natalie arrived and James was back from whatever he had tried not to tell Alesha but had anyway about her case. His normally placid face displaying his frustration that this case would be anything but smooth sailing as he joined them in the Director's office.

He had wanted to ask James what had gone on but Ronnie had silenced him with a look. It was too late. George then asked him point blank if he was going to have a problem working this case.

"What? Why would I have a problem working this case George?" he'd asked incredulously.

He looked at all his colleagues waiting for an answer.

James Steele spoke straightforwardly, "DS Devlin, we are simply asking if you are able to work this case. Given your…friendship with Alesha, perhaps we could assign it to Sam or –"

Matt interrupts him a tad bit sharper then he intended, "I'm fine Guv'. This was – _is_ still mine and Ronnie's. You lot never had a problem with me being on before…this happened".

They all nod, and James' tone is calm now, "Well yes but…Matt…We need to be sure. Alesha is one of us and…Well we all know how you're close an-"

"And are you going to be prosecuting or will someone else here do it? _You_ are her superior. You're friends too. Mr. Steele…There won't be a problem. I am here to do a job. Now…if we're all done talking about feelings, there's a _rapist_ out there who needs to be stopped. If anyone needs me I'll be back at the station".

He stands up with his jacket and leaves the room. No one says anything for a moment, and then Ronnie offers an apologetic smile before also going.

* * *

He is jolted out of his flashbacks by James who walks past him with a worried look on his face.

"James..?" he asks, nodding back to where Alesha is still standing.

James sighs and inclines his head.

"I'm not sure Matt. We just have to hope for the best now", his voice is tired. But Matt knows him. He always puts the people first. He will try his best to the end. No matter the outcome. Tomorrow is even harder because its for a colleague. And a friend.

Matt nods, and moves off towards Alesha.

"Please make sure she gets home safe", James calls after him. Matt doesn't turn around again, just lifts up his hand to indicate that he will do as James asked.

She is biting her lip and staring at the wall when Matt touches her shoulder and asks her if she'd like the coffee.

* * *

Standing there in the dark, she talks about it. The trial. Her friendship with Diane. In an almost mechanical tone. She keeps sayings its all her fault. That she has made it all worse. Matt doesn't what's worse. Hearing her say that someone raping her is her fault. Or the fact that she's definitely starting to believe it. People can say one thing and mean another, but what happens when they say and mean it? What do you do then?

He can't talk about the case with her. Or the investigations. He can't tell her anything. So he says nothing. He watches her looking out over the bridge railing. Oblivious to the sounds of life around them. Not noticing the cold. She is still sipping the already cold coffee.

Matt moves closer to her. Not touching but close enough. He wants to know what she's feeling. But he doesn't know how to ask. So he does nothing. Except give her his word. Because he hasn't done that before. That day she had come into James' office and found him and Ronnie telling James there was simply not enough evidence to bring an assault charge on Merrick. The fear and anguish in her voice as she pleaded with them. Looking at each of them square in the face and none of them. Not even him being able to look straight at her.

He knows he shouldn't promise her things. He's already let her down once. Why should she ever trust him again?

She doesn't respond. She doesn't even move.

So maybe there's his answer already.

* * *

After the verdict they return to her flat and she barely makes conversation when James and George go. Nor does she say much when Natalie and later Ronnie arrive. Jess says enough for all of them. He rants and raves about the inabilities of the police and criminal justice system of Britain. He wants to know what they're spending his taxes on. Why is his friend lying in her bedroom fully dressed and Alec Merrick is relaxing at the Gentlemen's Club? No one can answer him.

Eventually they all leave. Alesha sends Jess off home too. It's only him left then. He's pottering around, trying to check her windows and doors. She's sitting at the table, toying with a teaspoon.

He's conscious that whenever he's around her since it happened she is hesitant. And she will look at him oddly. Like…she's testing him. He's not sure why. And if he's being honest about it, it scares him. Does she not see that he's trying to be there? To do the best he can. Like Ronnie said; all he can do is help her. Work the case…It's the right thing to do isn't it?

He watches her clearing away the tea things. Reaching for the biscuit tin Natalie had brought over. Suddenly he has this urge to talk to her. To tell her that…She's not alone. That she can fight. He can fight for her too.

He reaches out and touches her.

The words die in his throat when she looks at him with those dark eyes.

Then she starts yelling. Accusing him. All of them of blaming her. Of thinking her in the wrong and at fault. He lets her go on. He waits. He gives her space.

When she runs out of steam she crumples…and begins to sob loudly. He only has one second to make up his mind about what to do. He chooses the option he's wanted to take since the minute she told him the story. The two of them sitting so close in that too bright a room of the Rape Referral Clinic.

He pulls her towards him and lets her cry. She clings on and doesn't move away.

He rubs her back and tells her that he's in her corner. That she can get through this. That he will be there for her. That maybe…maybe they – he can fix it.

He doesn't know if she can hear him – she's pretty loud, but he repeats his words anyway. Maybe for his comfort too, as he swallows away the lump forming in his throat.

They stand in the little kitchen for quite some time.

And when it's over, they both sit on her couch and he rubs her back until she falls asleep.

* * *

Two days later, he is back from dropping Alesha off at the counselor's office when he sees James Steele hovering near his desk.

Matt hasn't seen much of him since the trial ended and they haven't spoken properly since the tense meeting the week before.

James Steele doesn't waste time with small talk and he launches right into their new plan to get Merrick.

He watches Matt take his time pouring a cup of coffee all the while listening without saying a word.

"I _need_ to know that you're alright with doing this Matt…", the young detective can hear the uncertainty in James' voice.

He knows that James also cares deeply for Alesha and that he's also be hurting about the outcome of this case.

"I'm _more_ than alright with it", Matt answers simply, looking straight at James.

They don't say more than that. There's no need.

James looks at him long and hard, and a hint of a smile crosses his face before he nods and takes his leave.

* * *

After Merrick is charged with fifteen (and more pouring in) counts of premeditated rape and sexual abuse two days later, the team meet up in George's office after work. Alesha sits quietly while James and Natalie describe what has happened.

She has decided to take some time off work after all and today will be her last working day for two weeks. Jess has convinced her to do a road trip to Wales – of all places. Something about seaside inns and hottie chefs…

She looks around the room at this odd ensemble of people whom she is lucky to count as her colleagues, friends, and team mates. Matt is perched on the sideboard and he catches her eye and holds his glass up to salute her and winks. He doesn't grin…but that twinkle is back. If only for a second. She returns the nod and then turns to pat Natalie's hand gratefully.

She knows that something has shifted in her and Matt's friendship now. It's changed but…Not gotten worse or better but…different. Her life _is_ different now.

She is still at her desk when James pops in later.

He urges her to go home.

When she leaves the office, she doesn't look in the direction of his office but she knows he's still there. He'll always be there. There's always someone else to help. Everyday.

She knows George will still be working. Probably opening a new bottle now since they'd all had the last one earlier.

She recalls Natalie telling her she would have to make a grocery run before going home. That her boys are "eating me out of house and home!" and they'd laughed at that. Ronnie had rolled his eyes good naturedly and commented that his girls always told him that the only way they'd come around to see him was if he'd bring takeout.

Matt hadn't said much, just laughed along with the rest of them. When Ronnie had asked him about his plans he had only shrugged and winked. This of course led Natalie to shake her head and mutter something about "young people".

* * *

As Alesha walks along the familiar streets towards the tube station, she thinks of herself and what she has to come home to. What had she really done with her life since leaving that council estate in Hackney? Has it all been worth it? Yes it has. She wouldn't let Merrick – _or_ her family win.

She won't.

She is still musing through her thoughts when she notices someone waving to her from the tube station entrance.

It's Matt – he has a smile on his face and it gets wider when she waves back as she walks over to him.

"Hiya…" he says tentatively.

She nods back and then points down at the takeout bag in one of his hands.

"What's that?" she asks as he offers her his other arm.

She looks at him for half a second, and then takes his arm, slipping hers through it as they begin to walk down the stairs, jostled along by other people rushing past them.

Matt keeps a firm hold of her, and soon they are safely standing on the platform.

"Steamed wontons", he says, looking down at her.

Her dark eyes are shining and she almost smiles.

"They're my favorite", she says quietly.

"I know", he replies softly.

* * *

**A/N: There we go! Whew! This was a bit harder to write...I thought that this episode was pretty heavy and Freema Agyeman and Jamie Bamber were particularly wonderful in it. I just wanted to explore (and expand) on the emotions. Thanks for reading it and please leave a review if you can. Next one will be up soon :)**


	6. GLOW IN THE DARK

**A/N: Hiya! Back with another chapter...There's a bit of time that's gone by since the last one. Which kind of makes sense since it was the final ep of S1. Thanks for the reads, faves, and reviews folks! Hope you enjoy the update :)**

* * *

_"There's three ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way and the way that I do it". _

_- Robert De Niro, 'Casino'_

**Glow in the Dark**

_The dream always begins – and ends the same way. _

_Alesha Phillips is running. She doesn't look back because she doesn't want to slow down her pace. She's tearing through some sort of bush. Running faster than she's ever run before. She's gasping for air and her lungs are starting to burn. But still she pushes onwards. There are two wooden doors up ahead. She tries to make her body and feet move towards them. But they won't. She can see the clearing up ahead; there's a gap in the thick greenery. She needs to get there. She surges towards it. Adrenaline pumping in overload. She thrusts her hands forward to push the bush away so she can be free. She can feel the cold wind through the gap. She can see a light, warm glow. It makes her feel safe. It gets brighter. She is almost- _

She opens her eyes, and then closes them again. There is hardly any light because it's too early. Sighing she rolls over and switches on her bedside lamp.

Its five am. She doesn't have to be at work for another three hours but she knows she can't go back to sleep. She decides to go for a run.

After her run around the park, she stops at a bench near her building to stretch. Running has always made her feel better. And helped to clear her head. She had been a track star in college and at uni too. She'd always been a good runner. Even as a child…But back then, running away was the safest thing for her. When there'd been rows in the house…

She thinks about the weird dream that she'd just woken up from. She keeps waking up from the same dream around the same time. It makes her uneasy because she's been having it for the last few weeks. _Every_ night.

Shaking her head, she walks back into her building. She'd might as well get ready and go in early. It's not like she has anything else to do.

* * *

…"So then we're all sittin' there, 'avin' a game of darts and a couple of pints and she walks over to 'im. I remember thinkin' 'she's very pretty'. And she asks if he'd like to buy 'er a drink. Then our Matthew just smiles politely and tells her "Sorry, I'm not in the market right now but how's about I introduce you to some of me mates?" then that's that. I get to talkin' with Sandra and yeah, it's been four months and only getting' better. So yeah, cheers for that Matt!"

DS Kent finishes off his story as they all stand around the coffee machine and raises his mug in DS Matt Devlin's direction with a thankful nod. The other coppers congratulate him and one of them looks at Matt in surprise.

"So you really _are_ becoming a monk then eh?" he says jokingly.

Another detective nods knowingly and joins in, "Aye, he hasn't even come out with us in the past few months. Maybe you've taken up knitting or adopted five cats!"

They all laugh and look over at Matt who shrugs and gives them all a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, yeah…Now that we're all caught up on the weekend action and grilling me about my lack of a personal life, how's about we all get back to work eh?!"

His work mates grumble good naturedly but shuffle off back to their work spaces.

DS Ronnie Brooks swivels his chair over to Matt's desk where his younger partner is going through some files.

"Any joy yet?" he asks him.

Matt inclines his head, and makes a face.

"Well..?" Ronnie asks.

Matt points at the file.

"I'm thinking, it's all about the clothes…the fashion", he answers.

Ronnie pushes his glasses up to his forehead, his face screwing up comically.

"As in…you are thinking of buying early bird tickets to London Fashion Week…?"

"As in the Vic's outfit. You remember what the ME said about the clothes? Brand new...All top end stuff and…Where's the report…?" he pauses as he looks around his messy desk to find the report.

"Ah! Yeah, here we go;..'..brand new shirt and pants…blah blah…stockists narrowed down to three suppliers in the West End area'. There!"

His tone is triumphant and Ronnie nods slowly.

"Yeah...okay, expensive clothes on our vic. Clothes which _could've_ been purchased by Julian French or…any other person who has money – unless we can prove French paid for them somehow. He's still denying he even knew the victim…The Guv' will have to come with us this afternoon to see CPS anyway. This is something new we can put on the table at any rate."

Matt nods and is about to answer when he hears his phone buzzing.

It's a text message from Alesha.

**From: Alesha P**

**Message: Thanks for the loan. It's so good. Not as good as the books but still good. P.s. Possible new info on French case. See you soon.**

He sighs and puts his phone back in his pocket. Alesha Phillips. His colleague and friend. He has spent the last five months being there. Fitting himself in and around her life as she lets him. Giving her space letting her heal…and deal with everything that happened.

He still can't quite get the images out of his head. He had not even been able to watch through the whole video. Seeing..and _hearing_ her and that monster Merrick on top of her as she lay helplessly on that examining table. He instinctively flexes his right hand, thinking of how bruised it had been for a couple of days later after he'd beaten the crap out of that punching bag in the gym that day…

Things are better for her now. She is still seeing the therapist but she is back at work…Going about her normal routine. They see each other for cases. And after hours. It's platonic. It's supportive. And it works for both of them. Anything else wouldn't. Couldn't happen. Not now. Not after everything.

It's not the first time he's been teased about becoming a hermit who sits at home. He doesn't really mind. Its no one else's business what he does in his private life. If the possibility of something happening to change his situation could then he would happily do it. But for now, this is the way things are. It's not that bad. He only has the _one_ cat though. The little guy is plenty enough company for him. Well the cat, and his thoughts. And his moments with Alesha.

"Erm…" Ronnie interrupts his train of thought as he looks over at Matt who seems to be mulling over something.

"Everything alright?" he asks him.

Matt nods and goes back to reading.

"Good work with the new angle…Brother Matthew", Ronnie jokes and Matt just shakes his head.

* * *

"What's been going on at work?" Dr. Bradley leans back in her easy chair, her voice low and calming.

Alesha has been coming here faithfully once a week since the rape. It wasn't as if she had a choice anyway. Official policy and collective responsibility had decided for her. Truth be told, it did help. She could just sit here and say as much, or as little as she wanted to. The nightmares and insomnia no longer kept her up all night. She didn't feel that burning sensation in her throat every time she read or heard about rape cases. She had been to a doctor for her annual flu shot a month ago, and even though Jess had accompanied her, she hadn't gotten that breathless feeling. Nor had she backed out of it.

She wasn't naïve enough to think that she was 'healed' or that everything was perfect again. Because, before it all happened it wasn't anyway. She was not a perfect person. She was a workaholic who loved her job because she believed she could make a small difference in the lives of people who were victims of crime. She was estranged from her family. She rarely saw her friends and spent more time talking to neighborhood take away delivery boys.

Five months later and she was _still_ like that. Except, she made more time for her friends now. She even made more time for herself. Enrolling in the karate classes at the local Y as well as catching up at least once a week with Jess and others was a new thing. But she did it. And tried her best to keep to it. She and Natalie would also catch up – with George, James, Ronnie, and Matt too. Matt…She doesn't know what would happen and how she would be able to sit here thinking about it all if it weren't for Matthew Devlin.

She wonders how on earth two more different people could be so close. Okay, so maybe..the little things she has learnt of his upbringing, have told her that he had it rough too – so it could be that which helped their friendship along. He had had to fight to make it out of that life, to be the kind of guy he is today. Being a copper. Helping people not unlike himself when he was young. He is – well _was_, a bit of a playboy. She's not completely devoid of human interaction to not hear some of the office gossip. Several of her colleagues in CPS had 'gone there' with DS Devlin in the past and he was _that_ guy. Charming, tough copper bravado, flirty, and ridiculously good looking in the Ben Stiller-Zoolander sense. She thought she'd resisted all that. The first time she'd met him, she'd thought, 'great, here we go; another Steve Mcgarret wannabe'. But he was dedicated. And very good at his job. She respected his work methods and ethics. And the way he could be 100% focused on getting something done. The more she'd spent time with him professionally, the better they'd gotten to know each other. In as good a way as you can working in _our_ professions, she muses. Not overly personal, but enough to be comfortable. To _want_ to spend time together.

Lately, she worries that she is taking up too much of his personal time. His freedom is diminished because of the time they spend together doing stuff. Not doing stuff. Watching bad reality TV and horrid fishing shows – he can show her five different ways to tie a lure but cannot sew a shirt button on without pricking himself a few times first. Swapping DVDs and arguing about football, rugby, and nineties song lyrics. Jess tells them both jokingly that their relationship resembles 'year ten of marriage'. She laughs along with Matt when she hears that, but secretly she wonders if it could be true. She tells him that he needn't spend so much time with her. That he could be out having a life. Doing other things. But he just nods and carries on watching 'Gone Fishin' and tells her to get a load of the size of that rainbow trout. It's not that she wants things to change. She loves having him around. But she has to be realistic doesn't she? He has a life too. It doesn't revolve around her. She knows that…

"Alesha…?" Dr Bradley calls her again.

"Hmm? Oh sorry Doctor…Yeah, work is good..Busy…There's a new case that's come up. So yeah it's busy".

"Are you still going to karate?"

"Yes…its fun. And meeting new people has been a good experience for me. I have started running again…Which is nice. I haven't run for a while. It gives me something to do when I wake up early.."

"Are you still having the dream?"

"Yes.."

"Is it still the same? The sequence I mean?"

Alesha sighs and nods.

"I know I'm running away from something. Although, it's like…I _know_ there's nothing behind me. There are two doors up ahead, but I don't go to them. But when I see that clearing in the bush, I know I have to get to it. That it's safe through there. There's something that can help me beyond it. But I always wake up in the same place. Right before I can get there. Before, it made me curious. Now, it's frustrating…And I don't know..A little worrying".

Dr. Bradley nods and makes a few notes in her book.

"Why do you feel that way Alesha? What's changed?"

She shrugs and chews on her lip, taking her time answering.

"Well I've been having this dream for a few weeks now. The same one..Almost every night like clockwork. I guess being an analytical sort of person who likes to…know things; this is one of those things that is driving me a bit mad. Also…the fact it keeps happening…That's what I find worrying. I don't want to think that I'm...maybe going a bit…you know, mental…"

Dr. Bradley smiles and shakes her head.

"Having repetitive dreams doesn't necessarily mean you're having an episode Alesha. But studies have shown that repetitive dreams can often represent something…or someone that has affected you. Some sort of issue that perhaps you are keeping repressed or unresolved. As I said…It could be work…the stress from the new case…or your ongoing therapy and unconscious recovery process from what happened to you…Tell me…what do you feel when you reach the clearing? What's going through your mind in the dream?"

"I feel…like…its right. Like that's where I am meant to be. It's like…warmth…like…I don't know. It sounds rather silly when I say it out loud though".

"Why is that?"

"Because I can't _see_ anything. I can only feel it. It's a feeling…And…well in our line of work, you don't rely on feelings to win cases and get justice. You have to have facts. And be realistic".

"Okay..but what about in your personal life?"

Alesha frowns slightly, shaking her head.

"I…Well..Its been a while since…I mean..after what happened and Merrick…I haven't.."

Dr. Bradley's tone is soft.

"I meant…Is this your usual approach to relationships too? Outside of work? In general?"

Alesha nods...then half shrugs.

"I guess so…I have always been…practical. And good at compartmentalizing things…and I guess people too. It makes things easier…Doing it my way..But lately…I guess I have been sort of re-examining my strategy…I don't know…"

Dr. Bradley nods and smiles at her client.

"So…how has that been working for you?"

Alesha sighs and looks out the window. She finds herself thinking of Matt Devlin for some crazy reason. Is she doing this with him? Is that what Dr. Bradley means.

"Good…Well…maybe…I don't know. It's the only way I know how to act", she finally answers honestly.

"Have you ever considered that maybe you're having this dream because…you're thinking these things through?"

Alseha shakes her head in disbelief.

"What? No…Are you saying…? That I'm running towards something? Trying to find a solution?"

Dr. Bradley smiles in that kindly quiet way of hers and shrugs slightly.

"Or away from it..." she suggests.

* * *

"…So with the clothes we should be able to link French back to the victim if we-"

Alesha can barely wait for Matt to finish off telling them his hunch when she bursts in.

-"_can_ link him to the vic through _another_ credit card. Matt's right; the outfit may just be the key. I've re read the earlier statements from him. He briefly mentioned he had a spare card only for office expenses. The original case officer didn't bother to get access to that one because they'd been so sure it was a family thing. Any expenses made with it weren't checked. We can-"

-"Definitely get access to that card. This could be it", Matt finishes off for her.

They both look at each other and smile. He tries to ignore the way his heart beats a little faster as he watches her lovely dark eyes dancing with excitement and his happy grin matches hers.

Natalie and Ronnie look at each other and exchange a quick knowing smirk.

James looks over Alesha's shoulder at the statement where she's highlighted the information, a slow smile breaking out on his face.

Natalie nods at James and he turns to Alesha and Matt.

"Good work you two. Do it".

* * *

All of them are gathered at the Barrington Street bar later that week. Matt Devlin is now a firm convert after everyone, but mostly Alesha had convinced him to give it another go. He has since stopped eating day old sandwiches from their dodgy vending machine.

They are getting ready to leave and Matt is putting on his coat when he hears a woman calling his name.

Whirling around he sees another CPS prosecutor Janey Hill walking towards him with a big smile on her face. She is tall, willowy, blonde, and very attractive. The blokes at the station always give him stick about spending time with "all the lookers in CPS". She had come by to see him again last week regarding another case.

"DS Devlin? Thought it was you…Look, I just wanted to say, thank you for your assistance with the files last week. We would've been stuck without it", she smiles and smoothes down her blonde hair.

He shrugs and grins at her, "Happy to be of service. Don't mention it". He turns to leave when she puts a hand on his arm.

"Anyway…if you're not doing anything right now…My team would love to buy you a drink…" her voice is soft and inviting.

Matt looks down at her slender hand, her lovely figure, and inwardly sighs.

A year ago he would've. No problems. No crazy, daft thoughts clouding his judgment. Head. Or heart.

But now…

He opens his mouth to reply. Thinking of an appropriate polite refusal when he spots Alesha as she walks back towards him from the restroom. She stops to say goodbye to Jamie the maitre'd, her smile is warm and friendly. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she laughs at something he says.

Matt doesn't miss the way she stiffens slightly when she sees Janey Hill's hand on his arm before her usual friendly smile is back.

Alesha has enough experience with cross examining people to know that Janey's body language displays how she feels about DS Devlin. And of the fact that she is saying what she wants very clearly right now.

Alesha reasons internally with herself. She doesn't have any right to be jealous though. She doesn't have any claim to him. Nor does she give way to those sorts of feelings. There's no reason to. None at all.

"Hi Alesha…", Janey's voice trails off as she watches the way Matt looks down at her. His eyes following her movements as she wraps her scarf around her neck.

He looks back at Janey, an apologetic smile etched on his handsome features.

She removes her hand from his arm and nods slowly, stepping away.

"Maybe some other time then. Good night", she smiles and walks off.

There's half a second of awkward silence, which Matt tries to mask as he opens the door for Alesha, and they walk back out into the cold darkness.

"You didn't want to stay on..?" Alesha hates the fact that she is even asking…Or the way her voice sounds. She has no idea why she is acting like this.

This is Matt! He's a grown man. He's single. Janey is lovely enough. Its _none_ of her business what he does.

Matt shrugs and digs his hands in his pockets.

"Nah…it's been a long day…Besides…I've got plans already, or have you forgotten?" his voice is light and teasing.

Alesha looks at him in puzzlement, then the penny drops.

"Oh no! _No_! No way! I thought…That was a joke bet!"

"Uh…no it wasn't. 'Gone Fishin' is _no_ joke madam", he mockingly admonishes her as they make their way to the tube.

"Matt…It wasn't a real bet. I only lost by forfeit! You _can't_ be serious about me sitting through a bloody fishing show marathon! I'd rather…eat anchovies!" Alesha protests.

Matt just shakes his head and laughs.

"You lost. Time to pay up".

"I hate you".

"No you don't", he answers, looking down at her as they stand in line.

His blue eyes are bright and dancing with mirth as he watches her struggle to look for something to say in retort.

She glares up at him but then her expression softens as she notices something…

The bright glare of the station lights overhead almost give his profile a warm, fuzzy…glow.

The revelation is enough to make her look away though.

Station lights are always bright.

She knows he is right – in all sense of the words.

Unfortunately.

* * *

**A/N: I know its tagged as 'romance' in the genre thingy but I tend to do unconventional roundabout way romance so its cool if not everyone's into that :) Cheers for reading, please drop us a line if you have time. Next one up soon :)**


	7. ACTION REACTION

**A/N: Back with another update. Sorry for the long haitus; RL happened as per usual. Thanks to those of you who are still interested and following the story and for the reviews and thoughts.  
**

* * *

"_We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person". _

_- W. Somerset Maugham_

**Action Reaction**

DS Matthew Devlin is tired and edgy. It's been a long day and it's nowhere near done as he's got a load of paperwork to comb through. He has already made his views clear to SDS Ronnie Brooks regarding the 'leads' on the PC Nick Bentley case. He will continue to do his job and he knows Ronnie is just doing his. But that doesn't mean he agrees with what's happening. Some things just deserve a bit more care. And respect.

He is still trying to get his head around Ronnie's hard line here. Not that Ronnie is backing down an inch.

He just won't let up, Matt thinks as he stamps his feet tetchily, suddenly feeling the bite of the cool autumn afternoon.

On another, deeper level, he also knows Ronnie wouldn't be this stubborn if there wasn't a hint of a smell somewhere. That's probably what annoys him the most. That maybe…just maybe this time, the boys in blue may not be so above board. Maybe.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips is suddenly standing there holding a still steaming cup of take away tea out to him. Her smile is a welcome sight, and turning to face her, he catches a faint whiff of her lavender shampoo – well he knows now the lavender comes from her shampoo.

Because I have been in her bathroom more than a couple of times now and I've seen it, the anxious voice in his head quickly explains in case the logical part of his brain tells him that this could be, maybe, borderline stalker like tendencies.

Smiling his thanks, he grabs the cup and turns back to the railing.

Alesha had rung him not too long ago for some work matter and sensing his frustration on the phone she suggested he take a break and meet up for a chat and tea. He had hesitated about meeting up with her for half a second before shoving the thought away and had left Ronnie to tackle the statements on his own for a bit.

She knew where to meet him without them even having to agree on a venue. They have met here countless times before.

A makeshift, habitual meeting place which was born months ago during the Merrick trial.

Alesha had been away the last month, on some CPS training program up in Edinburgh, and they hadn't seen each other much since she'd come back last week. The two times they had met had been for work, and if she noticed he was being a bit distant, she hadn't brought it up yet.

She had come a long way since it all happened. She was still going to therapy, but she seemed to be doing as well as one could do given the circumstances.

Matt had made it his priority to be there for her since the rape and he had but, sometimes, she had these…moments. He would watch her stop and look out into the distance, her dark eyes would cloud over and then she would take deep breaths. She always looked as if she was trying to remember something, or more likely to forget. He had asked her a couple of times about those moments, but Alesha being, well Alesha, she just shook her head and told him in her this-is-not-up-for-discussion tone that she was fine.

He had attended a few sessions at Dr. Bradley's office and the doctor had reiterated that Alesha would need time and positive energy to continue on with her life and that it was an ongoing process.

Lately, when she'd been away and Matt was back to being on his own more, he'd started thinking about his feelings for her, about the shift in their friendship. And about her rape. He'd been thinking a lot about that lately.

And now with all the stress around this sensitive case. He can't help feeling a bit…uneasy around her since she's been back. He doesn't want to feel like that. So the fact that he is now here, with her just tells him how even more weird things are.

"So…How's things downtown?" she asks casually as she takes a sip from her own cup and gives him a sideways glance.

He shrugs, and then turns to look at her.

"This case…I dunno. I guess, there is a part of me that still sort of looks at things in this..black and white vein..Like…we're the good guys and they – well out there…_anyone_ is a potential bad guy and…Sorry, I guess I must sound like a naïve idiot.." he shakes his head and runs a hand through his short sandy hair before shaking his head.

Alesha takes her time before answering, "As crazy as this may be to believe, I think to some extent we all romanticize a little about our work. I mean, if I said this to Jess, he would look at me like I had three heads or something but…on some level, we _all_ like to think that it should be black and white. That its easy to make distinctions and all that. But it's not. At least not all the time. Sometimes, when something like this happens and we have to look in…our own backyard so to speak, things can get greyer. And I think…even though you may _feel_ its wrong – 'betrayal of your brethren' stuff even, one thing I know is that you, will, above all, _always_ put the principles of your job and your duty first and foremost Matty."

He is now looking at her as she speaks, her eyes never leaving his face.

He has this sudden urge to reach out and touch her cheek but he can't do that.

She smiles at him reassuringly and he continues to stare at her.

They are silent for a moment, then, he clears his throat loudly and nods, looking away.

"Yeah…well, as Ronnie said '99% times its alright but it's that 1%'..No…you're right…As usual", he says as he turns back to her with a slight grin.

There is so much more he wants to say. _If_ it were the right time. Or thing to do.

She smiles and then they both stand and watch the fading light in silence.

* * *

Alesha tidies up her desk, anxious to leave on time today. She has promised Jess she will meet him at the shop and doesn't want to be too late. As she piles folders on the tray she sees George and James doing a shite job of trying to appear like they are not looking at her through the dividing window between hers and James' offices.

Grinding her teeth as she continues to pack up and pretend she hasn't spotted them, she knows they are talking about her.

It was not easy when she first came back to work. It felt like everyone knew what had happened. In a way that was true. People talked. And the Merrick case received international publicity because he had gotten away with it for so long. So many women. Women like her who…

She pauses and takes a deep breath. She exhales and puts her hands down on her desk to steady herself, hoping James and George are now arguing about Premiership scores instead and no longer watching her.

She had told Matt all those months ago that she wouldn't be a victim. In the end they had stopped Merrick. He couldn't hurt anyone anymore. She was going to be okay. She was trying to move on with her life.

It still didn't stop the furtive looks, whispers, and comments that were swiftly cut short anytime she walked into the ladies' room, around the building, and even at the Courthouse.

She had tried her best to ignore it. Eventually it dies down, she has told herself countless times. Just be normal. Just go on.

She knows George, James, as well as Natalie and the others worry about her – she can _feel_ rather than hear their concern since no one has really asked her lately, and she is glad for that. Still, they all receive positive progress reports from Dr. Bradley, and she had recently been earmarked for a training program, so clearly the top brass were happy enough with her work.

As she exits the building her thoughts turn to Matthew Devlin. Inwardly sighing Alesha can't help wondering what has happened with them. She knows that things have changed in their relationship from friendly work colleagues to friends who spend time together. _A lot_ of time together. Since she's been back from her training, she feels like Matt has been acting a bit funny. Sort of like he's treating you with kid gloves. It is a bit confusing. And to be honest, irritating, she thinks.

He wasn't like this the past few months so…Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend or something…which would be fine. Since you two are…well what _are _you two exactly?

Shaking her head, she quickens her step. She does not want to start speculating that maybe something has changed to make him this way.

No point in stressing out about things I can't control, she tells herself.

* * *

"So you think he may be acting strange, yet you won't confront him about it?"

Alesha bites down on her annoyance and not for the first time, wishes she'd never said anything.

Dr. Bradley had a way of asking simple questions that made her feel uncomfortable about answering, mostly because it forced her to think about her thoughts.

Therapists Method/Trick #1, she muses.

"Not exactly…okay..Yes. I think…well, maybe he's tired of being a friend/stand in family member/bodyguard/ and colleague. Maybe", she finally answers.

"Wow..that's _quite_ a mouthful Alesha", the doctor comments.

"And quite a few hats for one person to wear".

"I know. _That's _the problem".

"Why is it a problem?"

"Well..I guess 'cos…it's been nice. I…appreciate him. Having him around. Doing stuff together…Keeping me company. He's helped me _so_ much. More than he'll ever realize and I am very grateful but…"

"But?"

"I feel guilty. Like I am stopping him from living his life. Doing what he wants to. Having…well being free".

"Okay so…have you ever had discussions about what it is he would like to do? Maybe he's shared this view with you in the past?"

Alesha frowns as she combs through her memory before reluctantly shaking her head.

"No…I mean, we've talked and I have said to him that maybe he shouldn't spend so much time with me..that I am okay, that its really kind of him but I can take care of myself…He just tells me to stop being silly, and when we were together it was great. But…I just want…"

"What do you really want Alesha?"

She takes a deep breath, and then stares down at her hands.

"I just wish things could stay the same. Be normal…But…I know they can't be".

"And you are saying 'it was great'. Is this something that you no longer need or want him to do?"

"I..well maybe he's finally woken up to the realization that he is sick of it? Maybe he wants to do his own thing and that's okay with me. I mean…well…I expected it actually. As for why he may be acting distant, I can only imagine it's because of this. That sounds plausible doesn't it?"

Dr. Bradley stops making notes in her book and then looks up at her.

"Sometimes we assume or imagine things because it's our own way of dealing with things. Looking at it from someone else's point of view can be easier than examining it ourselves. It may work for a time, but there is always a danger that you could be incorrect about the reasons".

Alesha frowns slightly.

"I know I should just ask him what's up but I want him to tell me. I thought…well that we were close enough now to be able to…I dunno…be up front with…stuff".

Dr. Bradley leans forward in her chair so she can look directly at Alesha.

"And is that what you are ready to do too?"

Alesha looks at her, slightly confused.

"What do you mean exactly?…"

"Well, I am sure you are familiar with the expression 'it takes two to tango'?" Dr Bradley smiles at her.

Alesha nods slowly and sighs.

* * *

Eventually he does talk to her. In a typically 'Matt' way.

She returns from the rest room to find Matt sitting where he usually does when he comes to her office, perched on her desk talking to Natalie, probably receiving a stern reminder to ensure he and Ronnie do their best to get support from CPS.

Smiling slightly at him, she sits back down at the desk.

"I know we haven't talked much since you got back – apart from work and the other day but…how are you anyway?" he asks cautiously.

She busies herself with her papers instead, and looks down.

"Some days are good. Last week I thought the whole world knew, everyone was looking at me. Well it happens a lot, but then it's to be expected you know", she finally admits as she rifles through her notes.

Matt seems to hesitate again, and she notices. Even though it's gone as soon as it's there.

"You know..um…like I've always said…Well if you need anything…or if you just wanna talk. Or not talk. Or just…just company you know?" he pauses again.

Alesha has to bite her tongue to not roll her eyes or ask him why he's tiptoeing around her all of a sudden.

Again.

"Nothing funny though. I'm _not_ trying to crack on to you-", she cuts him off.

The pang of disappointment is too much for her not to say anything.

"_Why_ not?" she retorts.

Matt gapes at her in surprise, shrugging slightly. He looks…embarrassed, if anything.

And realization makes Alesha feel a bit sad all of a sudden.

Is this what their relationship has been reduced to? Can they never move forward? Maybe he doesn't want to.

She shakes away the internal debate in her head and tries to speak evenly, now looking up at him.

He opens his mouth, and then closes it again. Maybe it wasn't embarrassment she thought she saw. Maybe it was shock. Or…

And how do any of those expressions make you feel better? They don't, the voices reply.

"I'm not broken Matt", she finally finishes off her sentence.

It's long enough for Matt Devlin to get his thoughts back.

"Look um…I think about what happened to you a lot", he says quietly, "I wasn't sure if I should mention it…Sorry…I..I'm a bit crap at this-"

She looks up at him sharply, she knows what he's saying but she doesn't want to go through this again. Not months later. Not with him.

"Just be the same", she interrupts him again, and as she softens her expression, he does too.

"The same as always", she reassures him.

He smiles at her, the dimples flashing at her, as he nods.

A brief crease in his forehead tells her that he's thinking of something. That there is more.

But he says nothing but nods and smiles again.

She wants to go back to how they were before. Not before the rape, but after. But before this. As in today.

Bloody hell, she thinks to herself, what does that even mean?! Forget it. You can only both move forward from here on in.

As Matt starts talking about the charges against Griffin, she sits back in her chair and half listens to him.

Maybe they both have already.

* * *

Two weeks later the case has been concluded and PC Griffin is back out there. Alesha nurses her cider at the Barrington street bistro, listening to the talk around her, trying not to overanalyze the results of the case. She is recalling James' reassuring words earlier when she feels someone tap her shoulder gently.

It's Ange who works with Matt and Ronnie. Natalie has invited her along too seeing as she's been instrumental in getting information for the case. Alesha has not had the chance to get to know her better so it's nice to meet up with her after hours.

She moves her bag so Ange can sit next to her at the table. Natalie and Ronnie are sitting across from them complaining good naturedly about their teenagers' behavior as James and George argue with Teddy from the lab about David Beckham's future career now that football is out for him.

Matt comes back to the table with their drink orders. He kneels down between Ange and Alesha, smiling at both of them as he puts a glass of wine in front of Ange.

" 'ere you go 'luv. Glad you could join us tonight. You know Ange has been a _gem_ with this case", he says nodding in Ange's direction, smiling brightly at her.

Ange blushes and brushes a strand of curly hair off her face.

"I was just doing my job Matt. You know…anything to help you…", she smiles at him.

Matt pats her hand, before straightening up and moves to go back to the bar to get the rest of the order, asking Alesha to give him a hand.

Excusing herself, she joins him at the bar, still holding her drink.

Matt taps his fingers on the bar counter in time to the music and Alesha chuckles quietly.

"What?" he asks her.

Her tone is teasing, "So this place – and all the 'weird new age music' _have_ grown on you I see".

"Yeah it's not so bad. You were right – as usual. It's good to have Teddy and Ange here too. She's been really good. Heard the 'Guv saying she might be moving up soon. It will be good to have another team member in our corner".

Alesha nods, and then takes another sip.

"I think she'd like working a bit more closely with you too", she murmurs quietly into her glass, thinking he didn't hear her.

"Eh? What _are_ you on about?"

She shrugs slightly, then smiles cheekily at him.

Matt's eyes widen, and then he sneaks a glance back at Ange who catches him looking and smiles brightly at him. Matt gives her a friendly wave and turns back to Alesha who is now innocently looking at the menu.

"_Whatever_. You've been spending way too much time hangin' out with Ronnie. You're going all delusional like 'im now. Him and all them bloody theories.."

Alesha lifts up her hands in protest, "Hey, I didn't say _anything_. It's harmless at any rate. She is good at her job, a lovely person, and a real professional. You guys all work so well together. Besides, don't look so surprised. As if it's the first time…_Please_," she rolls her eyes at him, draining her glass.

Matt shakes his head and nudges her.

"So what sort of theories does our Ronnie have then? Any good ones? I may be able to confirm, deny, or _embellish_ some of them for him…" she giggles.

Matt freezes for half a second. She doesn't know about Ronnie's theories about his feelings for her does she? She'd better not. _Ever_.

He clears his throat and taps his nose mysteriously before grinning at her, and then passes her a shot glass filled with tequila.

She eyes the glass suspiciously.

"Um this isn't going to turn into an evening of shots is it?"

"Blimey, I 'ope not! I'm not twenty anymore. No, this one's a celebratory one".

Alesha raises her eyebrows and looks at him, waiting for him to continue.

Matt picks up his own glass. His voice is quieter now.

"It's for getting through another day. Sure we lost. _This_ time. There will be another one. A new day is around the corner. We did our best. _This_ is for PC Bentley and other PC Bentleys out there. And of course, you – I heard, _killed_ it in Court. George said you could be the next James in a few years time. So we should celebrate. Because good things can come out of bad things too. Like…well like you and me – becoming close and…yeah, other things…"

Alesha suddenly feels her eyes prickling with tears. She bites her lip and looks away for half a second before taking a deep breath and looking back at him.

His blue eyes are filled with concern and the grin disappears.

"'Lesh..? I didn't mean for…What's the matter?" he finally asks, moving closer.

She smiles brightly, and hurriedly wipes her eyes.

"No…nothing's wrong I just…Well I thought…I dunno..I guess..I just sort of missed.._us_. I thought, maybe you were upset about something or we were going back to before when…But I get that…things have changed. I mean, I asked you to be the same, the same as ever, and I know we can do that. But..I _am_ working on accepting that not everything will be the same again. and..yeah, you're right. We _should_ celebrate. Here's to…"

"Another day!" they both say at the same time clinking their glasses together and downing the contents.

Alesha makes a sour face that mirrors Matt's and they both crack up laughing.

After a while Matt falls silent and studies her for a bit. He loves the way her eyes sparkle when she's genuinely happy. He likes the fact that he can make her happy. Even if it sounds daft to say it. Or to think about the possibilities when it won't go any further.

"Alesha..?"

She looks up at him.

"I..I've missed us too…I'm..sorry…that I've been…you know..a bit..weird. When you were gone for work, I had a lot of time to be alone and…I guess…even though time has gone on, I know things will never _ever_ be the same way for you and even though I tried to tell myself I couldn't get affected..well not in the same way you are…I was. I _am_. And perhaps as I was tryin' to deal with that and get my head around it, I shut you out – without meaning to. And…treated you like it was months ago. So…yeah, I'm sorry", he finishes.

"God! _What_ is wrong with us?! We can stay up all night talking about idiotic celebrity baby names, daft fishing competitions and debating about Messi's points average for the season or whether tuna goes better with pickles or onions and we can't even talk about stuff like this!" She exclaims as they both laugh again, and Matt tries not to notice as she discreetly wipes her eyes again.

He can feel a hard lump forming in the back of his throat again and he knows they've just reached a new level of…whatever. And while neither of them is game to attempt to analyse it right now, at this exact moment in time he is grateful they are still moving forward.

"I know", he finally says in agreement, "but..hey, better late than never eh?"

Giving her a signature cheeky grin, Matt leans back against the counter, his blue eyes focusing on her in that way that always makes her stomach flutter.

Which is daft, she scolds herself. You're _not_ sixteen for goodness sake!

Alesha hops off the bar stool and playfully kicks his leg.

"Well come on you. I can't carry all of these back to the table by myself", she says as she reaches for the drinks tray from the bartender.

Shaking his head and grinning, Matt grabs the tray from her and follows her as she leads the way back.

Ronnie, who has been quietly watching the two of them at the bar all this time, cannot help himself.

"Well it's about time. Look who it is folks! Jack and Jill back from the well to fetch a pail of water. It must've been a far away well!"

Matt merely shakes his head, not bothering to reply as everyone, including him, laughs.

* * *

**A/N: This one is a bit reflective...dunno if I am completely happy with it but once it came into my head, I felt like it had to be written down so it is what it is :) Cheers for sticking around and reading. Feel free to leave a review folks! Next one up soon.**


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